If you say please

Dad was trying to convince Elizabeth, 5, to eat her dinner.

"If you don't start eating, I'm going to take you into bed."

Elizabeth, "I will, if you say please."

Marriage

Elizabeth, age 5, "But, I really want to marry Dominick. When I'm his age."
(Dominick is 8)

Baby Hungry, Anyone?

By way of preface, I am a single mother. Elliana (5 1/2) and I were sitting at the table on a Sunday afternoon eating, when she asked me what we were going to do for the rest of the day. I replied that I didn't have any specific plans, and asked what she wanted to do. She answered, "I think you should go out and get a husband!" At the fit of hysterical laughter that ensued on my part, she gave a vicious scowl. "It's not funny! I want a sister!"

Moths

BriAnne, age 19, "Hey Dad, I found out where the moths in the house are coming from, they're in my cereal bowl!"

How mommies and daddies marry

Katie (4): How do mommies and daddies get married?

Mommy: Well in lots of different ways. Your mommy and daddy went to the temple and got married by a sealer.

Katie: We're we (meaning her siblings and her) at your wedding?

Mommy: No, you were with Heavenly Father in heaven still.

Katie: In a headstone?

Mommy: No.

Katie: In Heavenly Father's tummy?

Mommy: No. Just in heaven.

Katie: In the sky?

Mommy: Maybe. Some people think that is where heaven is.

Katie: Then we were in your tummy?

Mommy: Yes, a while afterward.

Funny

Elizabeth, age 5, "You're funny as a pig!"

Vicious

Elizabeth, age 5, "You're a nice nana today."

Millika, age 5, "She's always nice. She's your Nana."

Elizabeth, "Nu uh, sometimes, she can be vicious!"

Nana, "Do you know what that word means?"

Elizabeth. "No."

Parents say funny things, too

Allison (21):

I'm pretty good at doing the daily things- about 3 times a week.

I'm creative about 6 days a week, give or take 5.

Family

Nathan, age 7, "I wish I was a Merman, then I wouldn't have to live with an annoying family."

Princess

Mom: You are such a little princess!

Katie (4): No, I'm not a princess! I don't have a ponytail in my hair.

Guilty!

Elliana: Is "M" a vowel?

Mom: No.

Elliana: Is it an innocent?

Kissing

The kids are on the trampoline with a friend, playing with water balloons.They have been twisting them to get heads.

Dominick, 8, "I have a face, and I want to kiss a snowman!"

I can cook

Mom, "That's disgusting!"

Nathan, age 7, "Don't worry, I'll make more."

Strange thought combo

Mom was racing to where BriAnne, 19, was bit by a snake. As she was driving, she handed Benson, 17, the phone and told him to call 911.

Nathan, age 7, "BriAnne got bit by a snake, and Mom got cupcakes!"

Stop

Benson, age 17, "Don't play on my clothes!"

Nathan, age 7, "Why?"

Truth in Advertising

Elliana(5) had messed with my computer, despite a strict no-touch policy, and shut it down when I was in the middle of something. I was frustrated, and could not immediately think of an appropriate punishment. Exasperated, I asked, "What consequence will help you learn to leave things that don't belong to you alone?" "Time out," she offered. Knowing that this could not be a fruitful parenting path, but too mentally exhausted to come up with a better alternative, I asked, "Will that help you to remember to keep your hands off my computer?"

"Yes... Momentarily."

It's a slippery slope!

When Elliana (5) lost her first tooth, she excitedly announced, "I'm almost a grownup! Soon enough, I'm going to be married and get pregnant and have babies!"

Forget Billionaire!

Elliana(5) and I were talking about what Millionaire and Billionaire mean and how much money that would be.
"I want that number that is so high that you can't even count to it, and then put '-aire' after it!"

Sound Dating Advice

The following conversation took place between me and Elliana(5) while we were playing princess.

Queen: What news from the suitors?

Princess Elliana: I have three suitors- Derek, Aaron, and Alexander.

Queen: And are they kind and good princes?

Princess Elliana: Yes. But Prince Alexander and Prince Derek are also courting Princess Allerina.

Queen: And what of Prince Aaron?

Princess Elliana: He's also courting Princess Risa.

Queen: So where does your heart lie?

Princess Elliana: I like Alexander the best. But it's ok if he chooses the other girl.

Queen: Won't you be sad if he marries someone else?

Princess Elliana: No, because there are plenty of other guys who want to marry me!

Um, weird!

Elizabeth, age 5, "Human phones, with chicken inside."