Santa?

H's been learning about what's real and what's pretend this past year. Just out of curiosity the other week, I asked her

Mom: H, is Santa real or pretend?

H: Real.

Um, okay, I won't mess with that one.

Christmas Tree

H-girl (4.5): Mom, can you help me stand the Christmas tree back up?

If you say please

Dad was trying to convince Elizabeth, 5, to eat her dinner.

"If you don't start eating, I'm going to take you into bed."

Elizabeth, "I will, if you say please."

Marriage

Elizabeth, age 5, "But, I really want to marry Dominick. When I'm his age."
(Dominick is 8)

Baby Hungry, Anyone?

By way of preface, I am a single mother. Elliana (5 1/2) and I were sitting at the table on a Sunday afternoon eating, when she asked me what we were going to do for the rest of the day. I replied that I didn't have any specific plans, and asked what she wanted to do. She answered, "I think you should go out and get a husband!" At the fit of hysterical laughter that ensued on my part, she gave a vicious scowl. "It's not funny! I want a sister!"

Moths

BriAnne, age 19, "Hey Dad, I found out where the moths in the house are coming from, they're in my cereal bowl!"

How mommies and daddies marry

Katie (4): How do mommies and daddies get married?

Mommy: Well in lots of different ways. Your mommy and daddy went to the temple and got married by a sealer.

Katie: We're we (meaning her siblings and her) at your wedding?

Mommy: No, you were with Heavenly Father in heaven still.

Katie: In a headstone?

Mommy: No.

Katie: In Heavenly Father's tummy?

Mommy: No. Just in heaven.

Katie: In the sky?

Mommy: Maybe. Some people think that is where heaven is.

Katie: Then we were in your tummy?

Mommy: Yes, a while afterward.

Funny

Elizabeth, age 5, "You're funny as a pig!"

Vicious

Elizabeth, age 5, "You're a nice nana today."

Millika, age 5, "She's always nice. She's your Nana."

Elizabeth, "Nu uh, sometimes, she can be vicious!"

Nana, "Do you know what that word means?"

Elizabeth. "No."

Parents say funny things, too

Allison (21):

I'm pretty good at doing the daily things- about 3 times a week.

I'm creative about 6 days a week, give or take 5.

Family

Nathan, age 7, "I wish I was a Merman, then I wouldn't have to live with an annoying family."

Princess

Mom: You are such a little princess!

Katie (4): No, I'm not a princess! I don't have a ponytail in my hair.

Guilty!

Elliana: Is "M" a vowel?

Mom: No.

Elliana: Is it an innocent?

Kissing

The kids are on the trampoline with a friend, playing with water balloons.They have been twisting them to get heads.

Dominick, 8, "I have a face, and I want to kiss a snowman!"

I can cook

Mom, "That's disgusting!"

Nathan, age 7, "Don't worry, I'll make more."

Strange thought combo

Mom was racing to where BriAnne, 19, was bit by a snake. As she was driving, she handed Benson, 17, the phone and told him to call 911.

Nathan, age 7, "BriAnne got bit by a snake, and Mom got cupcakes!"

Stop

Benson, age 17, "Don't play on my clothes!"

Nathan, age 7, "Why?"

Truth in Advertising

Elliana(5) had messed with my computer, despite a strict no-touch policy, and shut it down when I was in the middle of something. I was frustrated, and could not immediately think of an appropriate punishment. Exasperated, I asked, "What consequence will help you learn to leave things that don't belong to you alone?" "Time out," she offered. Knowing that this could not be a fruitful parenting path, but too mentally exhausted to come up with a better alternative, I asked, "Will that help you to remember to keep your hands off my computer?"

"Yes... Momentarily."

It's a slippery slope!

When Elliana (5) lost her first tooth, she excitedly announced, "I'm almost a grownup! Soon enough, I'm going to be married and get pregnant and have babies!"

Forget Billionaire!

Elliana(5) and I were talking about what Millionaire and Billionaire mean and how much money that would be.
"I want that number that is so high that you can't even count to it, and then put '-aire' after it!"

Sound Dating Advice

The following conversation took place between me and Elliana(5) while we were playing princess.

Queen: What news from the suitors?

Princess Elliana: I have three suitors- Derek, Aaron, and Alexander.

Queen: And are they kind and good princes?

Princess Elliana: Yes. But Prince Alexander and Prince Derek are also courting Princess Allerina.

Queen: And what of Prince Aaron?

Princess Elliana: He's also courting Princess Risa.

Queen: So where does your heart lie?

Princess Elliana: I like Alexander the best. But it's ok if he chooses the other girl.

Queen: Won't you be sad if he marries someone else?

Princess Elliana: No, because there are plenty of other guys who want to marry me!

Um, weird!

Elizabeth, age 5, "Human phones, with chicken inside."

Sadness

Taylor, age 6, sobbing, "Dominick says he's not my friend anymore."

Mom, " How come?"

Taylor, "Cause i burned Jaydens tramp."

Playing house

Elizabeth is playing house with some friends.
Elizabeth, age 5, "Girls, quick, go to sleep so Santa can come! Santa came, & he brought us a diaper bag!"

Elizabeth, "Girls, get in the car & I'll drive you to Santa's house."

What's My Name?

As I'm getting ready in the bathroom, Elliana(5) sits in quiet contemplation. After a moment she asks, "What's my friend Sam's last name?" I tell her, and then ask why she wants to know. "I was just wondering what my last name is going to be when I grow up and marry him."

Good Sportsmanship

While playing board games for family night, Elliana (5) turns to me and says, "I want you to lose- just so we're clear."

Decisions

Elizabeth, age 5, "Dang it! Now I'm making decisions!"

I'm cleaning!

We are in our truck in Idaho Falls Seth (4) loves to ride in the back seat. So were heading home and we hear this "ssshshshshshsshshs" in the back.
Dad: Seth what are you doing.
Seth (4): I'm cleaning!
Dad: okay. we look at each other and shrug.
well thh shshing continues.
Dad: Seth what are you doing?!?
Seth: I'm cleaning up the yuckies back here on the floor.
Dad: okay?
Then we start smelling this certain stench that is vaguely familiar.
Dad: Seth you said your cleaning right?
Seth: yes I'm cleaning all the yuckies on the floor! (He's been bent over the whole time doing this)
Dad: With what are you cleaning with?
Seth: this
Dad: Seth, please show us what your cleaning with.
Seth show in his hand a bottle of "OFF" bug spray. which is now nearly empty. THe truck smell like "OFF" now and all we can do is laugh and thank him for doing such a fine job of making our vinyl on the floor sparkle and shine all cleaned, and keeping misquitoes away IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER!
So we have a new cleaner call "OFF" if anyone is interested in trying it! LOL!

Speechless

Our family was headed to go bowling with our extended family. On the way we were explaining what bowling was to seth (4).
Dad: you pick out bowling balls and you roll them down an isle and try to knock over pins.
Seth: Oh wow FUN!! Are they big?
Dad: Yes their big, some are smaller then other and some are heavy and some are light.
Then for a long while their was silence. THen we hear
Seth (4): Daddy, are my balls heavy? (of course he was referring to the bowling balls he would pick.)
IN the mean time it took 10 min to answer cause Jeff and I completely lost it in the front seats.

Sarcasm?

Taylor, age 6, "How could you?"

Elizabeth, age 4, "Very easily."

Kung Fu

On Sunday we only let the kids watch veggie tales movies. Today they were watching Lord of the Beans. During the songs Elizabeth would get up an dance.

Elizabeth, age 4 "Taylor, dance!"

Taylor age 6 " No! I don't want to be in dance. I want to do Kung Fu!

Distractions!

So, I started into false labor earlier, and warned Shaun so that we could be prepared if need be. I then proceeded to finish dinner.

Taylor, age 6, walks in and says, "Mama! Daddy told me to tell you to call Grandma about . . . . . . . . . . . . .the distractions."

On Twins

My boys had the following conversation about being twins:

S: Being twins means that you are the same color so we can't be twins because we aren't the same color. (I think they are the same color)
J: No. Being twins means being together all the time. So we are twins.

Rain

Taylor (age 6): Mom, do you know why it rains?

Mom: Why?

Taylor: Cause Jesus is sad.

later, after it had slowed down a bit, and the sun tried to come out.

Taylor: Jesus is happy now!

Um, help me!?

Dad wasn't feeling well, so Mom was going to take him home from church. In Primary, they announced that someone else would be doing the singing, cause Sister P would be gone. Nathan, age 7, stood up, and said, "That's my mom!" and out the door he went. They started a search for him, but were unable to find him. One of the Primary Presidency was walking down the hall past the handicapped bathroom. She thought to herself, "I wonder if he's in there?" She knocked on the door and hears this little "What?" She went in and found him laying on the changing table. He had climbed up, and strapped himself in, and couldn't get out!

Dead Animals

Elizabeth (age 4 1/2): I think I could eat Big Bird!

Mom: Why don't you eat your Pizza?

Elizabeth: That's not an animal, mom!

Dad: Well, what animal is on your pizza?

Elizabeth: Dead Animals!

Good Catch!

H-girl (4), calling from the kitchen: Mom, say, "Good catch, H!"

Mom: Good catch, H! . . . . What did you catch?

H-girl: Me!

Fortunately/Unfortunately

Elliana(5) and I were laying on my bed playing a game called Fortunately/Unfortunately. (You take turns telling a story, each adding a sentence at a time, alternating between "Fortunately..." and "Unfortunately...") I had to get up for a second, and when I came back in the room, Elliana was laying on my pillow, delighting in the opportunity to tease me. She said, "Unfortunately, I'm in your spot! Fortunately, I have to use the restroom."

Roast piggy . . .

Elizabeth, age 4 1/2, "Taylor, you are a roast piggy!"

Taylor, age 6, "Roast kid."

Alien California

After watching a movie about space, Elliana (5) and I had this conversation about planets:

Elli: "Yeah, there are lots of other Earths out in space."

Me: "Well, there are lots of other planets, but only our planet is called Earth. The other planets have different names."

Elli: "Yeah, like California!"

Vain!

We told Elizabeth, age 4 1/2, that she was cute.

Her response: "I've got to go look in the mirror!"

Would you like fries with that?

Elizabeth, age 4 1/2 (talking to daddy), "What would you like?"

Daddy: "Um, a hamburger and fries."

Elizabeth: "Ok, that'll be $60."

That's Going on the Blog!

Elliana (5) came up to me one day as I was reading this blog and asked me to explain what it was for. She seemed satisfied with my explanation and went on playing. About a week later, she said something that absolutely cracked me up, and as we were both laughing, she cried out, "That's going on the blog!"