Shopping

Elizabeth (age 4) is "shopping" around the house. She's picking things up off the floor and putting them in a bucket she found. Suddenly, she stops, grabs herself, and says, "Um, do you have a bathroom I can use?"

Too Busy

Mom: Why don't you go play while dinner finishes cooking?

Elliana: Not right now, I'm in the middle of being hungry.

Wrapper man

Taylor (age 5), wrapped himself up in a jump rope.
"Look mom, I'm the rapper guy!"

Let's Hide!

Seth (4 years): (Talking to a friend) Let's hide!

Mom: Where you going to hide? You can't hide in the bedrooms, and not in the closets.

Seth: Let's hide in the walls!

Indisputable Proof

Elliana was setting the table and set out a big spoon for herself. I asked her if she would rather have a smaller spoon. Without a word, she picked up the spoon, looked at me, opened her mouth wide, and stuck the whole spoon inside.

Now who can argue with that?

I thought they only did this as teenagers!

Elliana (almost 5) and I were on a hayride, and I put my arm around her and asked, "Are you having fun?" She just sat there and said, "Well I was."

I took my arm back and laughed, and then she said, "Now I'm having fun!"

I guess mom can take a hint.

I have to, it's your name!

Taylor: Elizabeth!

Elizabeth (age 4): Don't say that!

Taylor: I have to. It's your name!

Tons and Tons and Lots

Elliana(almost 5): There are tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and lots.

Mom: (suppressing laughter) Tons and tons and lots?

Elliana: Yes, because there was more than the last "tons," and "lots" is the amount that there was more.

Bad bees!

Nathan (age 6) was stung by a bee. The bee "broke" the rules when it stung him because it bothered him, but he didn't bother it.

The No-Boy Dispenser

Uncle James' chin-up bar was laying on the ground, and after entertaining herself with it for a while, Elliana came up to me and said, "Do you know what this is?"

Me: "What?"

E: "It's a No-Boy Dispenser."

Me: How does it dispense no-boys?"

E: "If a boy sits in it, it will poison him, and then there will be no more boys!"  

Let's hope her theory does not prove correct!

Predictable answers

Hannah (3.5 years): I'm going to clean the [bathroom] counter
Dad: Well, you need to go talk to mama first.
Hannah: Okay, I will. And mama will say, "Oh, how good of you!" And then I
go clean the counter.

Airplanes

Elliana (4 1/2) announces, "Look, I can fly like an airplane!" as she sticks her arms out on both sides, and proceeds to do an all out belly flop straight onto the floor!   

Simple Wisdom

Our family recently got a new kitten.  This morning I overheard Elliana sitting down with Esmerelda (That's what Elliana named the cat) to share her young wisdom with the small animal.  It went something like this:

"I'm going to tell you how the world works. All the world is different. Cats are different from dogs, and people are different from cats, and dogs are different from people. Everybody goes potty different. Cats use a litter box, and people use a toilet, and dogs go on walks with their owners in the grass. Cats have paws with claws, and dogs are the same as kitties, but I have hands with fingernails. So...yeah, everybody is different, and that's how the world goes round and round."   

So cute!

Growing up

Daddy, talking to Shannon (age 10 months), "Can you stay this age? Can you stay this size?"

Elizabeth (age 4): "Oh, she won't!"

Elliana earned a treat, so I gave her a glazed doughnut.  She says, "Yay, a frosted bagel!" 

Starving

"If you don't let me watch a movie I'm never going to eat again! ... Except breakfast and lunch and dinner and snacks. After that I'll never be hungry again and starve."
Sam, age 4

Strangers

Taylor (age 5): Girls are womens.

Teller at the bank: That's right, and what are boys?

Elizabeth (age 4): Strangers!

Speaking

Taylor (age 5) comes in talking about the popsicle man.
"Some speak Spanish, and some speak right. Like us."

Rocks

We're eating dinner, spaghetti. Taylor (age 5) is complaining that he doesn't like the garlic bread.

Dad: Some things are spicy cause they are supposed to be eaten with something else.

Taylor: Yeah, like rocks!
(mom and dad both thought of hard drinks with "rocks" in them)

And That's All

Elliana made this announcement at breakfast one day: "When I grow up I'm going to be a President, a Doctor, a Super-Hero, a Mother, and that's all."

Exactly!

A friend of Elliana's was educated at an early age on the proper names for the human anatomy, and decided to share his knowledge with Elliana. That lesson was at least a year ago, but something brought the memory back to her mind last night, although it was a little foggy. "Mom," she finally announced after a long period of silent contemplation, "Boys have Peanuts and girls have China. Right?"

Cookie Temple

Elizabeth, age 4, has about 5 vanilla wafers in her hand that she's stacked on top of each other.
"It's a cookie temple!"

growing up

When I grow up I'll be a baby.
Katie, age 3

Come again?

Taylor, age 5, is sitting on the couch and Elizabeth, age 4, comes in and says,

"Taylor, you be a good human.
And I'll be a bad girl (complete with growl."

Where that came from, we have no idea!

How to become a Daddy

Taylor (age 5): Hair is how we become a daddy, huh dad?

4 going on 24?

Elizabeth(age 4) got dressed this morning and went out to play. Little did we know that her clothes were more suited for behind closed doors after being married.

She had put on her play apron, panties and shoes; nothing else.

Church Dance

H-girl changes into a dress and then goes to her room and turns on her music, upping the volume. She then turns it off and returns to Mom.

"Mama, I back from church dance."

"You're back from a church dance?"

"Yeah. Me and my friends. We played music louder and louder."

Must've gotten "church dance" from a friend's teenager, but that was weeks and weeks ago....

Commuters & Barrettes

H-girl (3.5yrs) is sitting on a chair pretending to ride a train to work.

Mom, standing in the bathroom nearby, spots a green barrette H had asked to wear a couple days prior.

Mom: "Do you want to wear this hair barrette today?"

H: with a look of quiet shock, "No, I a boy right now. . . ."

Adoption

H-girl (3.5yrs): "Mama, I buy you a baby!"

Mom: "You mean you are adopting a baby for me?"

H: No, I BUY you a baby, for you to hold!"

Ankles

BriAnne (age 18): Dad, you have delicious ankles.

Toenails

Nathan (age 6): I hate your toenails.

First Words

The youngest in the family is starting to "talk."

Shannon(age 7 mo): Diediediediediedie.
She says this as she's crawling around eating everything she can get her hands on. Especially dirt and weeds.

Burping?

Elizabeth (age 4): Excuse me!

Dad:Did you burp?

Elizabeth: No, my bum burped!

How's it going

We are in church today. Seth lays across Jeff's lap with his hands behind his head, looks up at Jeff (in the middle of a spiritual talk). and says:

Seth: "So...... How's it going".

I need to talk to you

Yesterday Seth comes out of his room to our door and fiddles with the handle. Jeff opens our bedroom door, and this is the following conversation.

Jeff: "Good Morning"
Seth: (3 3/4) "Can I have a hug daddy"
Jeff: "sure" Dad gets on his knees and gives him a hug.
Seth: "Daddy, I need to talk to you".
Jeff proceeds to sit on the floor and give seth his full attention.
Seth: "No daddy, I need to talk to you, get into bed"
Jeff: "I'm here what do you need."
Seth: "No, I need to talk to you get into bed"
Jeff gets up and get onto the bed
Seth: "Now, put the covers on"
Jeff puts the covers on
Seth shuts the door. We are both supressing laughter at this point.
Seth: "Daddy, I will wait on the couch for you to wake up, okay"
Jeff: "Okay"
Seth left to go sit on the couch, we looked at each other and busted a gut.

Want a piece of me?

Taylor and Elizabeth are playing around and pretending to "eat" each other.

Taylor(age 5) to Elizabeth: Are you hungry? You want a piece of me? (as he chases after her)

Exercise

Hannah (3.5yrs) watches her shadow as she jumps and spreads out her arms and her legs. "I am exercising because I have a baby in my tummy. . . . uh . . . oo . . . . "

She then stops and runs to her room, declaring, "I need a bra."

So, I know where she got the first part, but the second??? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHAT I MEAN IS that I'm not one to workout with my upper torso clothed only in a sports bra. Guess she got it from seeing all the other exercising women running around our area in shorts and sports bras.....LOL! My daughter has learned that women in our culture run around the city in their underwear.....What a crazy world we live in!

Mom: What would you like for breakfast Seth.
Seth (3 3/4): "Mom I need some juice"
Mom: "I think you need some water, Seth"
Seth (3 3/4): says matter of factly, "No, water is to busy, and tired, so I need some Juice. Okay Mommy"
Mom: supressing a laugh, replies "okay Seth"

Reading time

Jeff and I read to Seth before night time every night, we read pretty much the same book, so he has them memorised exactly how we read them to him. That being said here's the following conversation:

Seth starts reading his thomas the train engine book
He's reading along with my inflictions that I use.
Seth: "Okay, mom who's up ahead"
Mom: "I think it's birtie"
Seth: "It is Mom"
He reads on
He goes on to read "stop or go", "hurry or help"
Seth stops looks at me and says, "so should he stop and help or not"
Smiling I said "stop and help"
Seth: "is that what thomas does?"
Mom: "Ya I think so"
Seth: "Good" and turns the page

Seth: "Who's on birtie, Mom"
Mom: "I don't know who's on birtie"
SEth: "Mom, ( in a matter of fact tone, looking importantly over his glasses) It's the children"
and then finishes the book.
I really wish I'd got that on video.

What's going on here

We get in the vehicle from gymnastics. Seth is in here car seat folds his arms and all serious looks over the top of his glasses and says:

Seth (3 3/4) "Okay, I know what's going on here"
Suppressing a laugh I asked "what"
Seth: "Horton"
(we got "Horton here's a who" and he watched it non stop today except for reading time, and nap time)
I have no Idea but it was funny.

so humble, NOT

We were sitting in church my son had just got his glasses (which we had been building up). My husband was saying, "you look so good in your glasses"

Seth (3 3/4) "Yep, I am; yep I do"

Our neighbor in the seat in front of us started smirking and said in an undertone "and so humble too".
To which seth replied: "Yep, I am."

Okay, we got the movie "Space Chimps" to cute. So I went to put it in the DVD player and told my son we were going to watch the monkey movie and I said their monkeys just like you.

Seth (3 3/4) Yep, I am!

The Benefits of Complaining

Elliana (4 1/2) has discovered a love of cooking. Today while we were in the kitchen making dinner, James asked for the second time when it was going to be ready. I told him, "Those that complain get to cook the next meal." Elliana immediately chimed in, "Can I complain?"

On Being Right

I'm always right and sometimes I'm wrong. Jacob, age 5 1/2

Telling daddy

Daddy: You just told mama, why do you need to tell me?

Taylor (age5): Because I told myself to.

Snacks

Elizabeth (age 4): I want a snack!

Daddy:will you just swallow your stomach and leave it there? Your stomach seems to always end up in your brain.

Elizabeth: That's not the way to get a snack, dad.

I've got your nose game

Elizabeth (age 4): Let me take your nose and give you my nose!

Nap, Anyone?

Frustrated mother:  "WHEN are you going to take a nap?"

WAY too cute 3-yr-old girl looks down at the imaginary watch on her wrist and sweetly answers, "Um, five years."

Can you believe I even asked that question in the first place?  Obviously, I was the one most needing the nap!

Where Does That Come From?

So this isn't so much about something funny, but about those moments when your child speaks to you and you think to yourself, "Where on Earth did that come from?"

I was in the bathroom getting ready this morning, and Elliana (4 1/2) comes in to talk to me. She proceeds to rattle off a list of "impossible questions" such as: "What if a man takes out his tongue and drops it because it's too slippery? Can you scream so loud that your lungs jump out of your chest? Can you laugh so hard your face breaks?"

Who knew four-year-olds thought about such things?

Not a saying, but still funny

I was sitting here looking at my blogs, and doing some stuff before I went to bed. I kept getting this message that said my USB device was not recognized. So I looked at everything that was plugged into the computer and couldn't find anything right off. Then I realized that Shannon (age 6 mo) was playing here on the floor next to me, and her favorite toy is a cord. she had the USB for the iPod in her mouth. her saliva was connecting the current! ;)

Girls need boys?

Elizabeth (age 4): Rosie, there's a girl on a bike.

Rosie: And why do I need to see the girl on the bike?

Elizabeth: Cause she needs a boy.

toenails

Taylor(age5): Everytime my skin melts, it turns into a toenail.

WHAT?! OK!

Maybe

Elliana (4 1/2) was talking to her grandpa on the phone about Memorial day plans. Grandpa suggested she go to a park, so she turned to me and asked if we could. I said, "Yeah, maybe." She returned to the phone and reported, "Mom said maybe, so I'll give her a few minutes and ask again."

The Paper Cut Tree

Elliana (3): Mom, will you please sing me the "Paper Cut Tree" song?

Mom: I don't think I know that song. Would you sing it to me?

Elliana: "I looked out the window and what did I see? Popcorn popping on the Paper Cut Tree."

That's mean!

A little background on this one. I was brushing her hair which sometimes she likes and other times she really hates depending on her mood. This was a bad day. When she says she is mad, it is at me for brushing her hair and poor brother is trying to make it better.

Katie (2): Samuel is talking to me. That's mean!
Mom: Why is that mean?
Katie: Because I'm mad!

On Marriage

Mom, I want to get married so I can grow tall and be a princess.
Katie, age 2 1/2

Samuel (4): Katie, I can't marry you.
Katie (2 1/2): Oh yes because you don't have a pretty dress like me.

Jacob (5 and dancing with Katie): Look! Katie and I are married!

different kinds of mustaches

Sometimes I got a water mustache. When it's purple, I have a juice mustache. When it's red I have a kool-aid mustache. When it's white a milk mustache.
Samuel, age 4

Chocolates

Katie (2 1/2 and in tears): I lost my chocolates!
Mom: Didn't you eat them?
Katie (brightening): Oh yeah!

American Idol

When I'm on American Idol I'll sing "I am a Child of God". -Samuel, 4

On Fruit

Mom: Do you know where raisins come from? Grapes!
Katie (2 1/2): Do you know where bananas come from? Tomatoes!

Right Back!

Seth (3 1/2) sits at the table to eat breakfast. Points his finger toward himself, so I see the back of his hand. Very seriously said. "I need to be Right... Back. OKAY!!"
I supress a laugh. He won't move until I say "okay". Sometimes repeats it if I don't respond fast enough.

Bedtime Escape Plan #172

This is more a funny moment than simply a funny comment, but I hope you all don't mind.  I had to share.  (And maybe it's more funny to me, being the one carrying her back to bed easily 100 times on her bad weeks.)

H-girl (2.5yrs):

She jets out of her bedroom and down the hallway.  The moment she enters the living room, she drops her baby, baby's blanket, and her nightly sippy cup of water next to her and plops down onto her knees.  With her eyes tightly closed, she folds her arms.  

Once Mom picks her up and starts carrying her to bed, she screams, "No, me PRAY! me PRAY!"

Whose Candy?

Halloween time, "um" = candy

H-girl (2.5yrs) (as well as she can say it, holding up a box of Nerds): "Cloey Jane? Cloey Jane?"  

Mom: "Is that a box of Nerds?"

H: "Cloey Jane"

Light turns on in Mommy's head: "Oh, are those Cloey Jane's?"

"Yeah," H replies with a pout.  

Mom: "Do we need to go give them back to her?"

"Yeah," H answers, still with a pout.  

Mom: "Okay. We can take them back to her."

H then turns around and walks back to the table responding,

"No, me um." 

House Question

(Mr. T is our friends' dog....)

Mom: Should we buy a house?

H-girl(3): Yeah, with Matt & Amanda & Mr. T!

Grammar? What's that?

Mom returns to her bedroom to find her credit cards and driver's license stuck to the wall with chapstick.

H-girl (3): Me hang pictures on wall up you!

Goofy

Mom and Elizabeth are arguing. Each one is saying that the other is goofy.

Elizabeth(age 3 1/2): Moms are always goofing me off!

Smarts

Elizabeth(3 1/2): She's almost 5? She must be a genius!

Bathroom Bluff

So Elliana goes tearing down the hallway chanting, "I gotta pee, I gotta pee!" After spending an exceptionally long time in the bathroom I came to check on her. I heard her talking to herself: "Bottom, were you serious? C'mon, pee already!"

Brain leakage

Elliana was wrestling with her uncle, but she bonked her head on the floor. Angry, she cries out, "You're making my brains leak out!"

The difference between boys and dads

Taylor (age 3): Mama, I have eggs, and daddy has balls.

Control

Mom and dad are talking about controlling the "wilderness" area in the yard.

Seth (age 3 1/2): (mournfully) There is no control, Dad.

Growing up

Greg (cousin): Are you going to be an artist?

Taylor (age 4): No, I'm going to grow up.

Leaving

Elizabeth (age 3): I'll be back when I'm gone.

Peas?!

Mom: Do you want apricots, peaches, pears, or applesauce?

Elizabeth (age 3): Peas!