For now...

Taylor, age 7, "Let's just say I broke my leg for now."

Tired Mama

cousin's Mom: yaaaawwwwnn...
H-girl (5): "You sound like my Mama."

Wetness!

Shannon, age 2, is sitting on her sisters lap with a wet diaper on.
Elizabeth, age 5, complaining, " She's getting her wetness on me!"

The Flags Birthday

Dominick, age 9, "Hey, the flag's birthday is July 4th"

Tea Party

Elizabeth, age 5, "Want to have a tea party with us dad?"

Dad, "I need to eat something."

Elizabeth, "We'll have snacks."

Nursery Home

Elizabeth, age 5.5, is a great singer. yesterday I overheard her singing "I Am a Child of God."

"I am a child of God, and He has sent me here. Has given me a nursery home, with parents kind and dear."

Playing house

I overhead this conversation between Sam, age 5, and Katie, age 4 while they were playing house (the girl's idea):

Sam: ding-a-ling (holding up "phone" to his ear)

Katie: yes dear? (answering her own "phone")

Sam: I've been thinking about it and I decided we should get married.

Katie: We already are married.

Sam: Oh.... never mind. Good-bye.

Careful, Santa!

Daddy: (after being silly with H-girl) There's a square on our ceiling.
Mom: It's called a patch job.
Daddy: Did someone put a hole in our ceiling?
H (turning 5): Maybe it was Santa!

China

Taylor, age 7, "Hey, Dad! There's a lot of things made in China."

Santa?

H's been learning about what's real and what's pretend this past year. Just out of curiosity the other week, I asked her

Mom: H, is Santa real or pretend?

H: Real.

Um, okay, I won't mess with that one.

Christmas Tree

H-girl (4.5): Mom, can you help me stand the Christmas tree back up?

If you say please

Dad was trying to convince Elizabeth, 5, to eat her dinner.

"If you don't start eating, I'm going to take you into bed."

Elizabeth, "I will, if you say please."

Marriage

Elizabeth, age 5, "But, I really want to marry Dominick. When I'm his age."
(Dominick is 8)

Baby Hungry, Anyone?

By way of preface, I am a single mother. Elliana (5 1/2) and I were sitting at the table on a Sunday afternoon eating, when she asked me what we were going to do for the rest of the day. I replied that I didn't have any specific plans, and asked what she wanted to do. She answered, "I think you should go out and get a husband!" At the fit of hysterical laughter that ensued on my part, she gave a vicious scowl. "It's not funny! I want a sister!"

Moths

BriAnne, age 19, "Hey Dad, I found out where the moths in the house are coming from, they're in my cereal bowl!"

How mommies and daddies marry

Katie (4): How do mommies and daddies get married?

Mommy: Well in lots of different ways. Your mommy and daddy went to the temple and got married by a sealer.

Katie: We're we (meaning her siblings and her) at your wedding?

Mommy: No, you were with Heavenly Father in heaven still.

Katie: In a headstone?

Mommy: No.

Katie: In Heavenly Father's tummy?

Mommy: No. Just in heaven.

Katie: In the sky?

Mommy: Maybe. Some people think that is where heaven is.

Katie: Then we were in your tummy?

Mommy: Yes, a while afterward.

Funny

Elizabeth, age 5, "You're funny as a pig!"

Vicious

Elizabeth, age 5, "You're a nice nana today."

Millika, age 5, "She's always nice. She's your Nana."

Elizabeth, "Nu uh, sometimes, she can be vicious!"

Nana, "Do you know what that word means?"

Elizabeth. "No."

Parents say funny things, too

Allison (21):

I'm pretty good at doing the daily things- about 3 times a week.

I'm creative about 6 days a week, give or take 5.

Family

Nathan, age 7, "I wish I was a Merman, then I wouldn't have to live with an annoying family."

Princess

Mom: You are such a little princess!

Katie (4): No, I'm not a princess! I don't have a ponytail in my hair.

Guilty!

Elliana: Is "M" a vowel?

Mom: No.

Elliana: Is it an innocent?

Kissing

The kids are on the trampoline with a friend, playing with water balloons.They have been twisting them to get heads.

Dominick, 8, "I have a face, and I want to kiss a snowman!"

I can cook

Mom, "That's disgusting!"

Nathan, age 7, "Don't worry, I'll make more."

Strange thought combo

Mom was racing to where BriAnne, 19, was bit by a snake. As she was driving, she handed Benson, 17, the phone and told him to call 911.

Nathan, age 7, "BriAnne got bit by a snake, and Mom got cupcakes!"

Stop

Benson, age 17, "Don't play on my clothes!"

Nathan, age 7, "Why?"

Truth in Advertising

Elliana(5) had messed with my computer, despite a strict no-touch policy, and shut it down when I was in the middle of something. I was frustrated, and could not immediately think of an appropriate punishment. Exasperated, I asked, "What consequence will help you learn to leave things that don't belong to you alone?" "Time out," she offered. Knowing that this could not be a fruitful parenting path, but too mentally exhausted to come up with a better alternative, I asked, "Will that help you to remember to keep your hands off my computer?"

"Yes... Momentarily."

It's a slippery slope!

When Elliana (5) lost her first tooth, she excitedly announced, "I'm almost a grownup! Soon enough, I'm going to be married and get pregnant and have babies!"

Forget Billionaire!

Elliana(5) and I were talking about what Millionaire and Billionaire mean and how much money that would be.
"I want that number that is so high that you can't even count to it, and then put '-aire' after it!"

Sound Dating Advice

The following conversation took place between me and Elliana(5) while we were playing princess.

Queen: What news from the suitors?

Princess Elliana: I have three suitors- Derek, Aaron, and Alexander.

Queen: And are they kind and good princes?

Princess Elliana: Yes. But Prince Alexander and Prince Derek are also courting Princess Allerina.

Queen: And what of Prince Aaron?

Princess Elliana: He's also courting Princess Risa.

Queen: So where does your heart lie?

Princess Elliana: I like Alexander the best. But it's ok if he chooses the other girl.

Queen: Won't you be sad if he marries someone else?

Princess Elliana: No, because there are plenty of other guys who want to marry me!

Um, weird!

Elizabeth, age 5, "Human phones, with chicken inside."

Sadness

Taylor, age 6, sobbing, "Dominick says he's not my friend anymore."

Mom, " How come?"

Taylor, "Cause i burned Jaydens tramp."

Playing house

Elizabeth is playing house with some friends.
Elizabeth, age 5, "Girls, quick, go to sleep so Santa can come! Santa came, & he brought us a diaper bag!"

Elizabeth, "Girls, get in the car & I'll drive you to Santa's house."

What's My Name?

As I'm getting ready in the bathroom, Elliana(5) sits in quiet contemplation. After a moment she asks, "What's my friend Sam's last name?" I tell her, and then ask why she wants to know. "I was just wondering what my last name is going to be when I grow up and marry him."

Good Sportsmanship

While playing board games for family night, Elliana (5) turns to me and says, "I want you to lose- just so we're clear."

Decisions

Elizabeth, age 5, "Dang it! Now I'm making decisions!"

I'm cleaning!

We are in our truck in Idaho Falls Seth (4) loves to ride in the back seat. So were heading home and we hear this "ssshshshshshsshshs" in the back.
Dad: Seth what are you doing.
Seth (4): I'm cleaning!
Dad: okay. we look at each other and shrug.
well thh shshing continues.
Dad: Seth what are you doing?!?
Seth: I'm cleaning up the yuckies back here on the floor.
Dad: okay?
Then we start smelling this certain stench that is vaguely familiar.
Dad: Seth you said your cleaning right?
Seth: yes I'm cleaning all the yuckies on the floor! (He's been bent over the whole time doing this)
Dad: With what are you cleaning with?
Seth: this
Dad: Seth, please show us what your cleaning with.
Seth show in his hand a bottle of "OFF" bug spray. which is now nearly empty. THe truck smell like "OFF" now and all we can do is laugh and thank him for doing such a fine job of making our vinyl on the floor sparkle and shine all cleaned, and keeping misquitoes away IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER!
So we have a new cleaner call "OFF" if anyone is interested in trying it! LOL!

Speechless

Our family was headed to go bowling with our extended family. On the way we were explaining what bowling was to seth (4).
Dad: you pick out bowling balls and you roll them down an isle and try to knock over pins.
Seth: Oh wow FUN!! Are they big?
Dad: Yes their big, some are smaller then other and some are heavy and some are light.
Then for a long while their was silence. THen we hear
Seth (4): Daddy, are my balls heavy? (of course he was referring to the bowling balls he would pick.)
IN the mean time it took 10 min to answer cause Jeff and I completely lost it in the front seats.

Sarcasm?

Taylor, age 6, "How could you?"

Elizabeth, age 4, "Very easily."

Kung Fu

On Sunday we only let the kids watch veggie tales movies. Today they were watching Lord of the Beans. During the songs Elizabeth would get up an dance.

Elizabeth, age 4 "Taylor, dance!"

Taylor age 6 " No! I don't want to be in dance. I want to do Kung Fu!

Distractions!

So, I started into false labor earlier, and warned Shaun so that we could be prepared if need be. I then proceeded to finish dinner.

Taylor, age 6, walks in and says, "Mama! Daddy told me to tell you to call Grandma about . . . . . . . . . . . . .the distractions."

On Twins

My boys had the following conversation about being twins:

S: Being twins means that you are the same color so we can't be twins because we aren't the same color. (I think they are the same color)
J: No. Being twins means being together all the time. So we are twins.

Rain

Taylor (age 6): Mom, do you know why it rains?

Mom: Why?

Taylor: Cause Jesus is sad.

later, after it had slowed down a bit, and the sun tried to come out.

Taylor: Jesus is happy now!

Um, help me!?

Dad wasn't feeling well, so Mom was going to take him home from church. In Primary, they announced that someone else would be doing the singing, cause Sister P would be gone. Nathan, age 7, stood up, and said, "That's my mom!" and out the door he went. They started a search for him, but were unable to find him. One of the Primary Presidency was walking down the hall past the handicapped bathroom. She thought to herself, "I wonder if he's in there?" She knocked on the door and hears this little "What?" She went in and found him laying on the changing table. He had climbed up, and strapped himself in, and couldn't get out!

Dead Animals

Elizabeth (age 4 1/2): I think I could eat Big Bird!

Mom: Why don't you eat your Pizza?

Elizabeth: That's not an animal, mom!

Dad: Well, what animal is on your pizza?

Elizabeth: Dead Animals!

Good Catch!

H-girl (4), calling from the kitchen: Mom, say, "Good catch, H!"

Mom: Good catch, H! . . . . What did you catch?

H-girl: Me!

Fortunately/Unfortunately

Elliana(5) and I were laying on my bed playing a game called Fortunately/Unfortunately. (You take turns telling a story, each adding a sentence at a time, alternating between "Fortunately..." and "Unfortunately...") I had to get up for a second, and when I came back in the room, Elliana was laying on my pillow, delighting in the opportunity to tease me. She said, "Unfortunately, I'm in your spot! Fortunately, I have to use the restroom."

Roast piggy . . .

Elizabeth, age 4 1/2, "Taylor, you are a roast piggy!"

Taylor, age 6, "Roast kid."

Alien California

After watching a movie about space, Elliana (5) and I had this conversation about planets:

Elli: "Yeah, there are lots of other Earths out in space."

Me: "Well, there are lots of other planets, but only our planet is called Earth. The other planets have different names."

Elli: "Yeah, like California!"

Vain!

We told Elizabeth, age 4 1/2, that she was cute.

Her response: "I've got to go look in the mirror!"

Would you like fries with that?

Elizabeth, age 4 1/2 (talking to daddy), "What would you like?"

Daddy: "Um, a hamburger and fries."

Elizabeth: "Ok, that'll be $60."

That's Going on the Blog!

Elliana (5) came up to me one day as I was reading this blog and asked me to explain what it was for. She seemed satisfied with my explanation and went on playing. About a week later, she said something that absolutely cracked me up, and as we were both laughing, she cried out, "That's going on the blog!"

Shopping

Elizabeth (age 4) is "shopping" around the house. She's picking things up off the floor and putting them in a bucket she found. Suddenly, she stops, grabs herself, and says, "Um, do you have a bathroom I can use?"

Too Busy

Mom: Why don't you go play while dinner finishes cooking?

Elliana: Not right now, I'm in the middle of being hungry.

Wrapper man

Taylor (age 5), wrapped himself up in a jump rope.
"Look mom, I'm the rapper guy!"

Let's Hide!

Seth (4 years): (Talking to a friend) Let's hide!

Mom: Where you going to hide? You can't hide in the bedrooms, and not in the closets.

Seth: Let's hide in the walls!

Indisputable Proof

Elliana was setting the table and set out a big spoon for herself. I asked her if she would rather have a smaller spoon. Without a word, she picked up the spoon, looked at me, opened her mouth wide, and stuck the whole spoon inside.

Now who can argue with that?

I thought they only did this as teenagers!

Elliana (almost 5) and I were on a hayride, and I put my arm around her and asked, "Are you having fun?" She just sat there and said, "Well I was."

I took my arm back and laughed, and then she said, "Now I'm having fun!"

I guess mom can take a hint.

I have to, it's your name!

Taylor: Elizabeth!

Elizabeth (age 4): Don't say that!

Taylor: I have to. It's your name!

Tons and Tons and Lots

Elliana(almost 5): There are tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and lots.

Mom: (suppressing laughter) Tons and tons and lots?

Elliana: Yes, because there was more than the last "tons," and "lots" is the amount that there was more.

Bad bees!

Nathan (age 6) was stung by a bee. The bee "broke" the rules when it stung him because it bothered him, but he didn't bother it.

The No-Boy Dispenser

Uncle James' chin-up bar was laying on the ground, and after entertaining herself with it for a while, Elliana came up to me and said, "Do you know what this is?"

Me: "What?"

E: "It's a No-Boy Dispenser."

Me: How does it dispense no-boys?"

E: "If a boy sits in it, it will poison him, and then there will be no more boys!"  

Let's hope her theory does not prove correct!

Predictable answers

Hannah (3.5 years): I'm going to clean the [bathroom] counter
Dad: Well, you need to go talk to mama first.
Hannah: Okay, I will. And mama will say, "Oh, how good of you!" And then I
go clean the counter.

Airplanes

Elliana (4 1/2) announces, "Look, I can fly like an airplane!" as she sticks her arms out on both sides, and proceeds to do an all out belly flop straight onto the floor!   

Simple Wisdom

Our family recently got a new kitten.  This morning I overheard Elliana sitting down with Esmerelda (That's what Elliana named the cat) to share her young wisdom with the small animal.  It went something like this:

"I'm going to tell you how the world works. All the world is different. Cats are different from dogs, and people are different from cats, and dogs are different from people. Everybody goes potty different. Cats use a litter box, and people use a toilet, and dogs go on walks with their owners in the grass. Cats have paws with claws, and dogs are the same as kitties, but I have hands with fingernails. So...yeah, everybody is different, and that's how the world goes round and round."   

So cute!

Growing up

Daddy, talking to Shannon (age 10 months), "Can you stay this age? Can you stay this size?"

Elizabeth (age 4): "Oh, she won't!"

Elliana earned a treat, so I gave her a glazed doughnut.  She says, "Yay, a frosted bagel!" 

Starving

"If you don't let me watch a movie I'm never going to eat again! ... Except breakfast and lunch and dinner and snacks. After that I'll never be hungry again and starve."
Sam, age 4

Strangers

Taylor (age 5): Girls are womens.

Teller at the bank: That's right, and what are boys?

Elizabeth (age 4): Strangers!

Speaking

Taylor (age 5) comes in talking about the popsicle man.
"Some speak Spanish, and some speak right. Like us."

Rocks

We're eating dinner, spaghetti. Taylor (age 5) is complaining that he doesn't like the garlic bread.

Dad: Some things are spicy cause they are supposed to be eaten with something else.

Taylor: Yeah, like rocks!
(mom and dad both thought of hard drinks with "rocks" in them)

And That's All

Elliana made this announcement at breakfast one day: "When I grow up I'm going to be a President, a Doctor, a Super-Hero, a Mother, and that's all."

Exactly!

A friend of Elliana's was educated at an early age on the proper names for the human anatomy, and decided to share his knowledge with Elliana. That lesson was at least a year ago, but something brought the memory back to her mind last night, although it was a little foggy. "Mom," she finally announced after a long period of silent contemplation, "Boys have Peanuts and girls have China. Right?"

Cookie Temple

Elizabeth, age 4, has about 5 vanilla wafers in her hand that she's stacked on top of each other.
"It's a cookie temple!"

growing up

When I grow up I'll be a baby.
Katie, age 3

Come again?

Taylor, age 5, is sitting on the couch and Elizabeth, age 4, comes in and says,

"Taylor, you be a good human.
And I'll be a bad girl (complete with growl."

Where that came from, we have no idea!

How to become a Daddy

Taylor (age 5): Hair is how we become a daddy, huh dad?

4 going on 24?

Elizabeth(age 4) got dressed this morning and went out to play. Little did we know that her clothes were more suited for behind closed doors after being married.

She had put on her play apron, panties and shoes; nothing else.

Church Dance

H-girl changes into a dress and then goes to her room and turns on her music, upping the volume. She then turns it off and returns to Mom.

"Mama, I back from church dance."

"You're back from a church dance?"

"Yeah. Me and my friends. We played music louder and louder."

Must've gotten "church dance" from a friend's teenager, but that was weeks and weeks ago....

Commuters & Barrettes

H-girl (3.5yrs) is sitting on a chair pretending to ride a train to work.

Mom, standing in the bathroom nearby, spots a green barrette H had asked to wear a couple days prior.

Mom: "Do you want to wear this hair barrette today?"

H: with a look of quiet shock, "No, I a boy right now. . . ."

Adoption

H-girl (3.5yrs): "Mama, I buy you a baby!"

Mom: "You mean you are adopting a baby for me?"

H: No, I BUY you a baby, for you to hold!"

Ankles

BriAnne (age 18): Dad, you have delicious ankles.

Toenails

Nathan (age 6): I hate your toenails.

First Words

The youngest in the family is starting to "talk."

Shannon(age 7 mo): Diediediediediedie.
She says this as she's crawling around eating everything she can get her hands on. Especially dirt and weeds.

Burping?

Elizabeth (age 4): Excuse me!

Dad:Did you burp?

Elizabeth: No, my bum burped!

How's it going

We are in church today. Seth lays across Jeff's lap with his hands behind his head, looks up at Jeff (in the middle of a spiritual talk). and says:

Seth: "So...... How's it going".

I need to talk to you

Yesterday Seth comes out of his room to our door and fiddles with the handle. Jeff opens our bedroom door, and this is the following conversation.

Jeff: "Good Morning"
Seth: (3 3/4) "Can I have a hug daddy"
Jeff: "sure" Dad gets on his knees and gives him a hug.
Seth: "Daddy, I need to talk to you".
Jeff proceeds to sit on the floor and give seth his full attention.
Seth: "No daddy, I need to talk to you, get into bed"
Jeff: "I'm here what do you need."
Seth: "No, I need to talk to you get into bed"
Jeff gets up and get onto the bed
Seth: "Now, put the covers on"
Jeff puts the covers on
Seth shuts the door. We are both supressing laughter at this point.
Seth: "Daddy, I will wait on the couch for you to wake up, okay"
Jeff: "Okay"
Seth left to go sit on the couch, we looked at each other and busted a gut.

Want a piece of me?

Taylor and Elizabeth are playing around and pretending to "eat" each other.

Taylor(age 5) to Elizabeth: Are you hungry? You want a piece of me? (as he chases after her)

Exercise

Hannah (3.5yrs) watches her shadow as she jumps and spreads out her arms and her legs. "I am exercising because I have a baby in my tummy. . . . uh . . . oo . . . . "

She then stops and runs to her room, declaring, "I need a bra."

So, I know where she got the first part, but the second??? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHAT I MEAN IS that I'm not one to workout with my upper torso clothed only in a sports bra. Guess she got it from seeing all the other exercising women running around our area in shorts and sports bras.....LOL! My daughter has learned that women in our culture run around the city in their underwear.....What a crazy world we live in!

Mom: What would you like for breakfast Seth.
Seth (3 3/4): "Mom I need some juice"
Mom: "I think you need some water, Seth"
Seth (3 3/4): says matter of factly, "No, water is to busy, and tired, so I need some Juice. Okay Mommy"
Mom: supressing a laugh, replies "okay Seth"

Reading time

Jeff and I read to Seth before night time every night, we read pretty much the same book, so he has them memorised exactly how we read them to him. That being said here's the following conversation:

Seth starts reading his thomas the train engine book
He's reading along with my inflictions that I use.
Seth: "Okay, mom who's up ahead"
Mom: "I think it's birtie"
Seth: "It is Mom"
He reads on
He goes on to read "stop or go", "hurry or help"
Seth stops looks at me and says, "so should he stop and help or not"
Smiling I said "stop and help"
Seth: "is that what thomas does?"
Mom: "Ya I think so"
Seth: "Good" and turns the page

Seth: "Who's on birtie, Mom"
Mom: "I don't know who's on birtie"
SEth: "Mom, ( in a matter of fact tone, looking importantly over his glasses) It's the children"
and then finishes the book.
I really wish I'd got that on video.

What's going on here

We get in the vehicle from gymnastics. Seth is in here car seat folds his arms and all serious looks over the top of his glasses and says:

Seth (3 3/4) "Okay, I know what's going on here"
Suppressing a laugh I asked "what"
Seth: "Horton"
(we got "Horton here's a who" and he watched it non stop today except for reading time, and nap time)
I have no Idea but it was funny.

so humble, NOT

We were sitting in church my son had just got his glasses (which we had been building up). My husband was saying, "you look so good in your glasses"

Seth (3 3/4) "Yep, I am; yep I do"

Our neighbor in the seat in front of us started smirking and said in an undertone "and so humble too".
To which seth replied: "Yep, I am."

Okay, we got the movie "Space Chimps" to cute. So I went to put it in the DVD player and told my son we were going to watch the monkey movie and I said their monkeys just like you.

Seth (3 3/4) Yep, I am!

The Benefits of Complaining

Elliana (4 1/2) has discovered a love of cooking. Today while we were in the kitchen making dinner, James asked for the second time when it was going to be ready. I told him, "Those that complain get to cook the next meal." Elliana immediately chimed in, "Can I complain?"

On Being Right

I'm always right and sometimes I'm wrong. Jacob, age 5 1/2

Telling daddy

Daddy: You just told mama, why do you need to tell me?

Taylor (age5): Because I told myself to.

Snacks

Elizabeth (age 4): I want a snack!

Daddy:will you just swallow your stomach and leave it there? Your stomach seems to always end up in your brain.

Elizabeth: That's not the way to get a snack, dad.

I've got your nose game

Elizabeth (age 4): Let me take your nose and give you my nose!

Nap, Anyone?

Frustrated mother:  "WHEN are you going to take a nap?"

WAY too cute 3-yr-old girl looks down at the imaginary watch on her wrist and sweetly answers, "Um, five years."

Can you believe I even asked that question in the first place?  Obviously, I was the one most needing the nap!